The Q-Mex Collection

Image stolen from Chudah's Corner, , obviously.

What I see: Poor child prodigy. Sure, you can play piano really well, and you have thick framed glasses which are apparently cool now*, but do your parents really love you? Or are they just using you as a means to get fame and (more likely) fortune for themselves? Once you're old and ugly like Macaulay Culkin, will they just drop you and steal all your money?

What I expect to hear: Well, he's sitting at a piano, looking slightly pensive, probably Beethoven?

Would I buy it? Well, I DO like Beethoven.

*Okay, thick framed glasses, it's on. Yes, I know they look good on women with dark hair who wear turtlenecks. Hell, I've got some sort of strange thing for that. But seriously, they're not cool for everyone else! I'd like to think that, as a society, we should be making our glasses thinner and more streamlined, not thickening them up like some sort of...thing...that needs thickening. When I replace my glasses, I fear I'll be stuck getting some clunky 'trendy' frames instead of something really frameless and sleek, that will blend in with my head better. I'll look horrible with trendy glasses, or at least like some insufferable hipster. I know I have hipster tendencies, but I don't want to become a full blown one! And I'm lightly annoyed by the frames on my glasses enough, how I can always see the edge of them. How bad is that going to be when the frames are bloody huge like the trend is nowdays? Pretty goddamn bad, I'll tell you what. Hell, this shit gives you a goddamn blind spot. A small one, I admit, and I've got so bloody much hair that blinds me way more, but that's hardly the point.

Maybe when I get the last silver frameless glasses in the universe (it's what I intend to get when I replace my current, lightly unattractive brown frames), I'll start a new trend. Because I am sick of thick framed glasses on anyone who isn't a dark haired girl in a turtleneck.

Pac-Man

Image again stolen from Chudah's Corner. If you like game soundtracks, maybe go there?

What I see: Around here, I know it's the drill to make some snarky comments about what the album cover looks like or might represent, but today I'll cut to the heart of the matter. This cover is shit. The Pac-men are badly drawn and colored (what the hell is wrong with their mouths?), the font is awful, the color scheme is cheap, and it generally gives the vibe of something a 5-year old would make to cover his cassette copy of the Pac Man theme he recorded off of his Atari.

What I expect to hear: See above.

Would I buy it? No. Not a chance. Though it did somehow wind up on my hard drive somehow.

N64 ANTHEMS HARDCORE EXTREME MIX

Image stolen from Chudah's Corner.

What I see: Man is this extreme or what? Look at how the background is all blurry, and the text has multiple extreme outlines! And only a totally extreme product would use about 12 different fonts. That, or one of those CDs you find in a bin tucked away in the darkest corner of Wal-Mart, right beside the compilation of top 80s hits, including Hugh Lewinson and the Current Events.

What I expect to hear: Really bad covers of songs from the games listed, obviously. Maybe with some added vocals by some tone deaf guy.

Would I buy? It says free on the cover, maybe I don't have to?

Ma-Na

Image Stolen From Chudahs Corner.

What I see: This looks less like an album cover and more like something on which to write your grocery list on. Ah, I see someone needs to buy some Ma-Na, whatever that is. Or maybe someone needs to remember to buy some files for their cabinet, specifically section Ma-Na. Whatever it is, it seems like menial household chores and not music.

What I Expect to Hear: Something light, breezy, and empty. The musical equivalent to the lady on newscasts who introduces wacky clips of dogs.

Would I buy? No, but now that you mention it, I probably do need to pick up some eggs at the store, maybe I should write it down under my Ma-Na.

L.E.D. Denjin K

Stolen from Chudah's Corner.

What I see: Cool. That's all I see. Just some cooool stuff there. The stars, the weird looking rocks, the font, the cool blues. It's just cool this cover, and I don't even know what it's supposed to be.

What I expect to hear: For some reason, it looks like some sort of dark avant-garde techno act, which is kinda cool. There would be some thundering bass and some ominous noise and it'd all be very badass and wonderful.

Would I but it? Yep. It's taking everything I've got to not just buy it right now.

Kaenseibo ~The Virgin of Meggido~

Image stolen from Chudah's Corner. I'm tired of being clever about it.

What I see: Behold my magical armpits! With these I can summon the ghosts of crumpets past! With them, I shall destroy the world!

What I expect to hear: Well, from the title and the skirt fluttering like it belongs to Merilyn Monroe, I have a sneaking suspicion this is some sort of porno game. And thus, it probably sounds like porno music.

Would I buy? Ahhh, no.

J.D.K. Band 1

Image stolen from Chudah's Corner.

What I see: This looks sort of like a belt buckle, no? One of those big ones, that are oval and generally advise against messing with Texas. And those kinds of belt buckles are generally only worn by people who spend their lives around cattle and/or tractors. That kinda gives this a bit of a country music vibe, no? So what does J.D.K. stand for? John Deere Killahs? Jack Daniels Kicker? Jim Dog's Kenworth? I'm betting one of those is close to the money.

What I expect to hear: Something about tractors, alcoholism, and god, like all other country music.

Would I buy this? Well, if I was right, no. I would rather drill a hole through my ear than listen to most country music (and since I live in a rural area, this option is continually more and more appealing), but I've actually heard this one, and Cursed Desert is a freaking amazing track and everyone should get this album pronto.

I.Q. Remix Plus

.renroC s'haduhC morf nelotS

What I see: Techno music does this all the time. Odd minimalist white background, obviously digital image, odd track names and a package that looks like it could also be used to sell office products. It just says "hello, we are from France and like to use computers to make bleeps and bloops. Let us make a soundtrack to a Kirstin Dunst movie together."

What I expect to hear: Well, obviously, frenchmen making bleeps and bloops on a computer. It's what they do, dammit.

Would I buy it? Yeah, maybe. I love Air after all.

Hajime no Ippo: Victorious Boxers.

I stole this image from Chudahs Corner.

What I see: Well, there are boxers, but they don't look so victorious, do they? The main guy there is clearly hiding behind his fists in fear. And pretty much all of the images seem to be of either him battered and bruised, or of someone punching him in the face. Why not just call it "punching this guy and his stupid hair in the face"? I'd buy that for a dollar.

What I expect to hear: What did they play during Three Stooges movies? From the little screens, this seems to be a mix of comedy and violence, so clearly that type of thing is in order.

Would I buy it? Probably not.

G-Darius Forever

Chudahs Corner, I stole from there once. Good times

What I see: Red. Lots of red. And some text! You know who loves red? Communists! This isn't a game soundtrack at all, but communist propaganda!

What I expect to hear: What do communists listen to anyway? Whatever it is, that.

Would I buy it? Do I look like a communist to you?

(I thought the last one gave me nothing to work with...)